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Blackout

Remembering the Things I Drank to Forget

ebook
1 of 1 copy available
1 of 1 copy available
In this unflinchingly honest and hilarious memoir, a woman discovers that her best life is a sober one.
For Sarah Hepola, drinking felt like freedom; part of her birthright as a twenty-first-century woman. But there was a price–she often blacked out, having no memory of the lost hours. On the outside, her career was flourishing, but inside, her spirit was diminishing. She could no longer avoid the truth–she needed help. 
Blackout is the story of a woman stumbling into a new kind of adventure–sobriety. Sarah Hepola's tale will resonate with anyone who has had to face the reality of addiction and the struggle to put down the bottle. At first it seemed like a sacrifice–but in the end, it was all worth it to get her life back.
 
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    • Publisher's Weekly

      May 25, 2015
      Using as touchstone the astonishing self-revelatory memoir Drinking: A Love Story, by Caroline Knapp, Salon editor and Dallas journalist Hepola delves into her own lush life as the merry lit gal about town with unique intensity. Growing up in Dallas in the late 1970s and '80s, Hepola was an early convert to the sensation of intoxication that alcohol induced: she snuck sips of beer from her mother's open cans left in the refrigerator, and later found drinking an effective way out of adolescent self-consciousness. By college in Austin, she had embraced the drinking culture with gusto, though she did recognize by age 20 that she had a drinking problem; her nights out were often accompanied by blackouts, after which she relied on friends to fill in the messy details. Working as a journalist at the Austin Chronicle and the Dallas Observer before moving to New York City to freelance at age 31, Hepola naturally equated writing with drinking, because "wine turned down the volume on own self-doubt." But the blackouts began to take their toll, and waking up in strangers' beds with no memory of how she got there felt terrifying. In this valiant, gracious work of powerful honesty, Hepola confronts head-on the minefield of self-sabotage that binge drinking caused in her work, relationships, and health before she eventually turned her life around.

    • Kirkus

      Starred review from April 1, 2015
      A razor-sharp memoir that reveals the woman behind the wine glass. Addiction's death grip and the addict's struggle to escape it is an old story, but in Salon personal essays editor Hepola's hands, it's modern, raw, and painfully real-and even hilarious. As much as readers will cry over the author's boozy misadventures-bruising falls down marble staircases, grim encounters with strangers in hotel rooms, entire evenings' escapades missing from memory-they will laugh as Hepola laughs at herself, at the wrongheaded logic of the active alcoholic who rationalizes it all as an excuse for one more drink. This is a drinking memoir, yes, and fans of Caroline Knapp's Drinking: A Love Story (1996) will recognize similar themes, but Hepola moves beyond the analysis of her addiction, making this the story of every woman's fight to be seen for who she really is. Generation X women, in particular, will recognize an adolescence spent puzzling over the rash of parental divorces and counting calories as a way to stay in control of a changing world. Hepola strews pop-culture guideposts throughout, so any woman who remembers both Tiger Beat magazine and the beginning of the war on drugs will find herself right at home. It was an age when girls understood that they weren't destined to be housewives but were not so clear on the alternatives, and it's no wonder the pressure led many to seek the distance that drinking promised. Promises, of course, can lead to all sorts of trouble, and Hepola tells the naked truth of just how much trouble she got into and how difficult it was to pull herself out. Her honesty, and her ultimate success, will inspire anyone who knows a change is needed but thinks it may be impossible. A treasure trove of hard truths mined from a life soaked in booze.

    • Library Journal

      January 1, 2015

      The personal essays editor at Salon.com, Hepola once drank so heavily that she spent mornings wondering what she had done the night before. Here she recounts her recovery while investigating the history and science of the blackout. Dangerous drinking is on the rise among young women, and Hepola's extensive media connections guarantee attention. With a 200,000-copy first printing.

      Copyright 2015 Library Journal, LLC Used with permission.

    • Publisher's Weekly

      Starred review from September 28, 2015
      Salon editor Hepola delivers an engaging performance of her memoir chronicling a long struggle toward sobriety, from the angst of her teens through her hipster young adulthood and into the false starts and desperate cries for help of her 30s. Hepola’s material—as she confesses—could easily give way to coming-of-age addiction clichés, but the gritty no-nonsense tone of her delivery conveys a complete rejection of self-pity or victimhood. The audio edition includes a shockingly raw tape recording of Hepola at age 13 discussing a sexual experience with an 18-year-old. Hepola uses her natural poise to effectively re-create the smug stance of self-denial from her youth, as she displayed recurring anxiety about drinking but somehow managed to deflect tough questions. Such monologues provide valuable, nuanced insights about the nature of addiction, challenging assumptions about substance abusers being inherently weak and fragile. A Grand Central hardcover.

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  • English

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